By Anna Macias-Aguayo, KERA 90.1 Commentator
Dallas, TX – Are you wondering whether your employer is going to give you a Christmas bonus? I was mulling over the same thought a few weeks ago. But since I was a relatively new editor at a small magazine, I decided not to be tacky and ask any of the veterans if any reward should be expected. I simply kept my secret fantasy of a little extra Christmas cash to myself. I didn't think a bonus would be too unreasonable, considering that I often worked 60-hour weeks.
The answer came last week, and it WAS a huge surprise. A meeting was called for 11 a.m. About 10 employees were told that we were being laid off. The magazine would shut its doors immediately. A manager had already prepared a stack of empty cardboard boxes so that we could pack our belongings and leave. My pile of dictionaries, style guides, reporters notebooks and a portrait of my sons were packed within about 15 minutes.
The news came so suddenly that I wasn't able to return the dozen phone calls on my voice mail, or answer a backlog of emails received that day. I didn't cancel a photo shoot that had been planned for the same week. I was struck by the thought that the magazine wouldn't make the next deadline. I thought about the many sources that I had talked to persuasively to convince them that we WERE the premiere magazine for Latinos in Texas. I thought of writers who turned in stories that would never see print and people who expect to get their subscription next month. And I felt sad for all.
Ironically, the magazine that was created to acclaim Latino success, had failed. I felt as if I had run a long race and lost. But, I also was relieved that I could stop working around the clock - at the expense of my family - just to meet deadlines. I felt liberated from office politics. I also breathed a sigh of relief that I would get to attend my children's school Christmas plays and class parties without feeling guilty for taking time off.
That evening, a manager called me and explained that we were booted so quickly because of a fear that some employees would be angry and pose a security threat. Wow! These are the times we live in. We were supposed to be the magazine that mirrored the power, spirit and beauty of the Latino community. But when times got tough, the reflection wasn't very pretty.
A few days later, a sense of normalcy returned. I'm now working to make a living on my home computer. Thanks to a severance package the magazine's owner was kind enough to pay, my bank account has just enough funds to pay the mortgage for a month and to get us through Christmas. I feel a sense of peace that I did not have a week ago. I don't rush through homework with my two sons. We take extra time to read at night. We eat home-cooked dinners instead of fast food. And, I've had time to volunteer at my children's school.
And, perhaps, that is just the Christmas bonus I was hoping for.