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Commentary: Surnames

By Diane Brown

http://stream.publicbroadcasting.net/production/mp3/kera/local-kera-902514.mp3

Dallas, TX –

Many women continue to take their husband's name when they marry. But the idea strikes commentator Diane Brown as odd.

Recently, I called a company on my husband's behalf. Although I identified myself as his wife, the woman with customer service asked whether I was really his girlfriend because we have different surnames. I've encountered many incidents like this because I chose to keep my birth name when I married a few years ago.

Tradition ruled in the small Texas town where I grew up during the 60's and 70's. A woman would always take her husband's name upon marriage. I would have done the same if I had gotten married then. But in my mid-20's, I moved away and expanded my world view through education and discovered feminism along the way.

Feminism advocates gender equality. Accepting that premise forced me to examine the traditions that formed my assumptions about life. Among my many questions: why should a man's name take precedence over a woman's? Historically, a woman adopted her husband's name because she was his property.

But my name is who I am. Changing it to reflect society's expectations would have been a denial of my autonomy, independence -- and identity. While many people take their names for granted (especially men, for obvious reasons) names are integral parts of how we define ourselves, whether or not we think about it.

Unfortunately, I'm in the minority.

According to a Harvard University study cited in a 2004 Wall Street Journal article, only about 18.5% of college-educated women kept their birth names when they married in 2001. One of the young women who changed her name reasoned that "the symbolic unity of a single name outweighed any perceived loss of independence." A young woman I recently met at a feminist gathering cited the same rationale for changing her name when she married. But, she added, it was her decision alone; her husband didn't care.

However, changing one's name at marriage is not the norm just among younger women.

Some of my friends who, like me, married in middle age, also took their husbands' names. They did so because it was important to their husbands. Ironically, on occasion, people have incorrectly given my husband my surname of "Brown," and it doesn't bother him one bit.

But, why is it always the husband's name that must represent the couple? Why is it okay for the woman to change her name, but not the man -- if the goal is for both to have the same name? And if both are truly equal.

As a child, I thought my surname was boring, and that the best thing about getting married would be to get a more interesting surname. Well, that was ages ago. I have become fond of my name because it reflects who I truly am.

The modern feminist movement has helped women make great strides in workplace equality and other issues. Unfortunately, unexamined "tradition" still seems to dominate attitudes about female surnames. Words matter. This semantic blind spot indicates that we have yet fully to unleash our collective female imagination and picture ourselves as truly and profoundly equal.

Diane Brown is an attorney from Highland Village.

E-mail opinions or questions about this commentary to kera.org.