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'Oversexed America' - A Commentary

By Tom Dodge, KERA 90.1 commentator

Dallas, TX – There's no doubt about it. People are having too much sex. I thought it was just here in the Midlothian-Mansfield area where I live that it was going on with such velocity. When I taught in Mansfield in the mid-1960's the town's population was 24-hundred. There were 200 students in the high school. I went to their graduation ceremonies three years ago and there were 800 in the graduating class. Mansfield's population is more than 30-thousand now.

Here in Midlothian, ten miles away, there are over 5-thousand students in the school system. The population of the town when we moved here in 1970 was 16- hundred. They're spawning children like salmon.

The once-open fields of grain that surrounded the town are being scraped smooth by ground-gobblers and used for rows of houses. One day it's farmland; the next day you go by there and there's a paved street where horses grazed. Traffic is so intense at certain times of the day that if you want to cross town you must be sure you can find a traffic light, otherwise your Social Security will run out before you can cross the street. People are having so much sex that vans and other enormous vehicles are necessary to haul their children around from one organized activity to another.

A friend of mine moved away from this area ten years ago to get away from the runaway population. He landed in a little town in Florida called Palm Coast, south of Jacksonville.

When I visited him in 1994 I was depressed by the eerie quietness of the place. There were too many retired people moving around like specters in gum-soled shoes. Even the birds were too old to chirp anymore. There were no children and the biggest vehicles I saw were four-door Buicks.

I went back three weeks ago. As soon as I exited the interstate I realized that things were different. Somehow the balmy weather must have rejuvenated these relicts. There's marathon sex going on in Palm Coast too! The town's population of 30-thousand in 1994 is now 130-thousand! According to my math, this means that each couple is responsible for spawning almost nine children! And I thought my town was randy!

The Palm Coast streets are silent no more. They are now riotous with these enormous vehicles weaving in and out of traffic lanes and running red lights. The little library a few blocks down from Lennie's place is gone and there's a super-sized drug store there now. Seemingly thousands of houses have replaced open fields of what was once a forest of palm trees. Nothing seemed the same as before. I was so disoriented that I had to pull into a gas station and call Lennie to come and get me.

Same thing in the little town of Chesterfield, Virginia, where my daughter and her family live. Since I was there two years ago there are over a hundred new houses in their neighborhood. The little two-way road that leisurely wound its way from their house to the main part of town is like the French Grand Prix classic now.

Of course, I blame Clinton for this outrageous epidemic of unrestrained sexuality. But President Bush, in his infinite wisdom, is doing his part to quench this wildfire of passion and resultant overpopulation by sending a continuing contingency of young people, in the prime of their child-bearing years, to Iraq. The rest need a daily dousing of cold water.

Tom Dodge is a writer from Midlothian.